i open my mouth and become a potential fool (mouthings) wrote in silktoys,
i open my mouth and become a potential fool
mouthings
silktoys

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[f(x) | 013.] stupid is as stupid does

stupid is as stupid does
amber/luna; sulli, krystal
pg
1829 w.
[in sum]: lives of amber and luna apart from each other.
note(s): inspired by portions of the ocean by t&s; a continuation of "i'm with stupid"; in the dreaming!au, again. also, not edited to satisfaction, but i'm tired and i wanted to get this out there before i self-imploded. so.



when you wake what is it that you think of most?
when your bed is empty do you really sleep alone?
if I imagine you, body next to another
all around me, new love and it makes me sad
all around me, feel assured that you'll be back
if I imagine you, body next to another



luna doesn't remember why she told amber her name was sooyoung. it had been a momentary panic response. she had wanted so desperately to pour out her everything to amber. but it wasn't fair to her; amber would have been burdened by things she didn't really need to know. it's one of the good things to happen in her life though -- meeting amber. whenever things get particularly hard, she closes her eyes and thinks of their last night together.

"sunyoung" jinyoung whispers.

and then luna remembers that she's holding jinyoung's hand and that now, she's got a too tight grip on her because she's been lost in her own thoughts. the physical need to keep amber's memory close to her must have translated into cutting off jinyoung's circulation.

"sorry" luna mumbles.

luna looks outside the train window. landscape flies by so fast that things seem to show only bursts of color like flashing lights on stage. she sighs into the palm of her hand, glad that jinyoung has fallen back asleep. there will be no stage waiting for her where she is going. their brother, older and with a steady job, has a new school and part-time jobs lined up for them.

§

when they arrive at the train station, their brother is waiting for them.

"jinyoung, sunyoung" he calls out to them.

but luna only says, "it's luna. call me luna."

it's only when jinyoung gives her brother a look that their brother acquiesces and calls her luna. since birth, her brother has only had a soft spot for jinyoung.

they drive silently for about twenty minutes. and when they're almost there, their brother announces that they will be living by themselves in a house-top room.

"do you live far from us?" asks jinyoung, too polite to ask why he wasn't going to live with them, why he was leaving them alone too.

"not too far" he says and looks apologetic. "i live with a few other people. and this is the only way you guys can live in walking distance to your new school."

no more words are said about this matter. their brother stops in front of a drab looking house. it looks as if it had been bright yellow once, but it has since faded. luna tries not to think of this as a prediction of her future. their brother talks with the landlady, the one who lives in the house. her name is mrs. ban and she looks at luna suspiciously until jinyoung exclaims at the plants in front of her house.

"what pretty trumpet flowers" jinyoung says and just like that, mrs. ban is won over.

their brother leads them upstairs after mrs. ban gives them the keys. their brother is excited for some reason and when, after insisting that jinyoung be the one to unlock the door, luna sees why. he has furnished the little room as best he can. there is a twin bed and clean looking blankets. there is a tidy looking kitchenette and even a little kitchen table where a blue and white checkered cloth has been laid on it.

"oh oppa" says jinyoung.

luna dumps their bags onto the floor.

"we're tired" luna says flatly.

"thank you oppa. thank you" says jinyoung.

and pretty soon, their brother leaves with warnings of not letting strangers in and making sure to lock the doors always. as if they hadn't been living by themselves all this time. in all honesty, their situation makes luna bitter. she had been fine in seoul. she had been happy. but the truth was that jinyoung was sick. luna reminds herself that the countryside air will make jinyoung a little better. that the part-time jobs and lower rent will make paying for jinyoung's medicine easier. she also tries not to close her eyes because when she does, all she sees is warm brown eyes begging her not to go.

§
§
§

amber misses school for exactly two days. she can only imagine that the teachers are angry with her because the school is getting a grant for schooling a transfer student. it's on the third day that the class representative comes knocking on her door.

it's the crack of dawn, but amber hasn't really been sleeping much. she's found out after the first night of trying to sleep that she's plagued with nightmares about luna. in her sleep, the scenario goes something like this: luna comes back, smiling and saying that she's free. her hair is golden and when amber goes to run her hands through it, luna pulls away saying that everything was a mistake, that she had been so desperate for company that she had fell into a disgusting embrace with amber.

every subsequent night after had amber trying to drown the memories out with mindless television. the boob tube has taught her well over the past 48 hours. she can zone out on cue and make her mind go into oblivion. the door bell echoes into amber's bones once more in the dark and cold room and she's forced to go answer the door.

"hi, my name's jinri. choi jinri" says the bright-eyed girl on amber's doorstep.

"choi...jinri" amber repeats.

amber finds that her tongue has tried to forget korean as well. but she remembers something else too. what was luna's surname?

"the homeroom teacher sent me because you hadn't been coming and you hadn't called..."

jinri fidgets and curls her fingers around each other.

"are you sick?"

"..."

amber thinks she must look like a robot, but in reality, she is frantically searching her brain. what was luna's surname?! she thinks she must know somehow, from some conversation they had. she didn't know why this was suddenly so important. but it was making her desperate. luna's surname... kim? no. lee? no!

"well, there's another student entering our class today..."

amber's eyes, finally lighting up, turns to jinri.

"who?" asks amber.

it could be luna. it could be luna. it could be...

jinri smiles too because she's finally getting a response.

"her name is soojung and she's from america, just like you!"

§

jinri manages to drag amber to school. amber's hair isn't washed and neither is her face. but her uniform is on and her bag is somehow slung over her shoulder. she gets to the classroom on time and sits blankly until the teacher enters the classroom. the teacher gives amber a stern look, but somehow doesn't say anymore. amber wonders if the homeroom teacher knows what happened to luna, where she's gone, and why she left so suddenly. surely there had been some other way...?

another student comes in behind the teacher. jinri, who sits beside amber now, gives amber a little poke.

"see? that's her."

"who?"

"soojung!" jinri says brightly. "the new student i was telling you about! maybe you'll have something in common with her."

amber vaguely remembers something about the new girl being from the states as well.

"i don't think..." amber starts to tell jinri, but the new girl has started talking and jinri is shushing her with a squeeze of amber's arm.

"hello everyone! my name is krystal. oops, i mean soojung. jung soojung. i'm from california. it's nice to meet you!"

the classroom titters, different from when amber was the one up there, introducing herself. amber overhears comments about how pretty soojung is, how long her beautiful hair is, how slim her legs are.

amber looks over to see if jinri is having the same thoughts, but finds that jinri is smiling and staring at amber.

"aren't you from california too? it's great, isn't it?" she says.

amber briefly wonders if the teacher has sent her to console her for luna's moving away or something, but when jinri clasps amber's hand amber knows that there is some kind of genuine concern in this girl. perhaps jinri also had fallen for luna's charms. amber closes her eyes, unable to stop herself from thinking about the golden haired girl who had made love to her.

when she opens them again, she gets a face full of soft, glass-like, chocolate eyes that are crinkled up at the corners into a smile.

"hi" says the new girl. "what's your name?"

there is such a sense of deja vu that amber has to clutch onto her desk with both hands. her knuckles get white and her body is torn from sensations of wanting to throw up and wanting to burst out in a body-racking sob at the same time.

"amber" she managed to croak, closing her eyes to keep from scaring the poor girl.

when she opens her eyes a second time, soojung is looking at her with worried eyes.

"are you okay?" she asks in english. "do you need to go to the nurse?"

the familiar tongue opens a little passageway in amber's chest, like a breath of fresh air for someone who's grown up in a polluted city. she doesn't quite know what it is, but it's wonderful and fills her lungs in a nice way.

"no" says amber, shaking her head for emphasis. "i'm fine. really."

she gives a small smile to both soojung and jinri, who is looking pale as amber.

§

for the next few days, it goes like this: the three of them laughing and talking until something strikes a chord with amber and reminds her of luna. it's then that amber shuts up, lost in thought suddenly. it's a habit that has jinri and soojung worried at first but as the days go by, they grow used to amber and her abrupt segues into deep thought.

over the next few weeks, amber discovers that soojung is very much like luna in several aspects. they both love to laugh and so does jinri, but in that uninhibited way that most people can't achieve. they both love to sing and dance and when amber mentions acting, soojung's eyes sparkle and she confesses that she's always wanted to try but has never had the guts.

"i can give you some tips" jinri says. "i've been in acting school since i was five."

they go on a tangent after that, discussing who their favorite actors are and what did you act in and want to see a movie this weekend with so-and-so playing the lead? their exchanges remind amber so painfully and clearly of luna and herself that she has to step away for a while and stare up at the sky.

it's a clear day and the sun has hidden its edges behind a tall tree with dark green leaves. amber has to hide the sun's most strongest rays with her hand but the color of the sunlight through the dark leaves remind her of golden hair with black dye over them.

"are you crying?" jinri suddenly asks.

"are you okay?" says soojung.

"yeah" amber replies, rubbing her face too hard with the back of her hand. "it's just the sun. just...the sun."


-----
this au has been all i can
think about lately,
for some reason,
oddly...
etc. etc.
Tags: dreaming!au, f(x), ♡ krystal, ♡ sulli, ♥ amber/luna
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